Reorientation, seeking to crystalize

On seeking a place to call home

How many bedrooms does this home have?

Is it close to some shops and a handy bus stop?

Does it sit without squeeze in my budget?

Does the kitchen have space to roast garlic?

 

But perhaps it is not those things which truly count,

not what I most want to know

when seeking a place to call home.

 

Perhaps, what I really wish to ask

would be…

 

If I’m permitted to hang art on the walls?

Memories, photographs, pictures.

Can the power points provide strength for all moods of music?

Is there space for bookshelves and too many books?

 

Can I sleep soundly at night, undisturbed by harsh sounds?

Can I hear birdsong when the sun is thinking to rise?

Does the sunlight shine softly into the rooms?

Are there smiles or frowns in the air?

 

How many shades of green can be seen through the windows?

How many paces to a blossoming jacaranda?

Does the breeze whisper gentle, welcoming words?

Will a frangipani cutting thrive here?

 

 

Is there a space to sit quietly with a large mug of tea?

Is there a sense that I can really be me?

Is it a house or is it a home?

img_6628

Disorientation

And so the sun sets on another week, and I find myself in a different continent.

sunset-porch-2

Under an African sky – in front of my eyes

I returned to Africa a week ago after an unexpected, and unwelcome reason for extension to my stay in Scotland. I should have returned two weeks earlier, after a short visit but things always take a surprise turn in that post diagnosis cancer world. I am fine, no nasty cancer surprises but I can attribute what happened directly to cancer.

So what happened, that warranted hospital admission and being unable to return for two whole weeks? A nosebleed, that’s what. Yes, a nosebleed. And one I blame unequivocally on cancer!

It started fairly innocently just before I had an optician’s appointment. One of a series of things to be done, while on home leave. The bleed would not stop, and reluctantly I had to cancel the optician. I pinched my nose, and waited patiently as the time for another appointment approached. The bleeding continued and worsened. I called the medical practice and was advised that I should go the Accident and Emergency Unit at the local hospital where they would be able to deal with the bleeding. The last thing I wanted to do, but with my history and being on blood thinners this was the correct and only course of action.

Treatment was not pleasant or nice, and for something as trivial-sounding as a nosebleed it was frightening to see how quickly a situation can become worrying. I was admitted to hospital and with the various procedures the bleeding was eventually staunched. I was allowed home the following day, with a strict set of instructions. No hot showers, no exertion, no flying or travel and the worst? NO TEA! That was a serious struggle. I have never craved tea so much in my life! But heat or exertion can re-start the bleeding and that is not a risk to be taken, so no tea and no immediate return to Africa.

How can I blame cancer? Quite easily in fact, the nose bone is quite clearly connected to the cancer bone in my case. Blood thinners were the cause of the nosebleed, and those blood thinners are a consequence of the Pulmonary Embolism I had, which was attributed to Tamoxifen. PE is a relatively rare but dangerous side effect of Tamoxifen. And of course,Tamoxifen is prescribed following hormone receptive cancer diagnosis. Thanks, cancer!

The sides and afters of cancer and its treatments continue to rumble on and we are reminded that even at times of NED (No Evidence of Disease) we exist with vulnerability and fragility.

I am enormously thankful that this medical hiccup has been dealt with relatively easily, but my confidence has again been damaged. I am approaching 7 years from diagnosis and am in pretty good health overall. Yet the fallout from cancer, while it might not be visible or evident apart from to me, is not to be underestimated. Life is fragile, precious and unpredictable. At the hospital, the ENT specialist advised me to be cautious and not to trust my body as it has let me down before. Interesting words from a doctor, validating anxieties and vigilance.

So I am pleased to have returned to my new life in Africa, though being in three continents in as many months has proved disorienting briefly. It is good to be able to look ahead with no immediate plans of long distance travel and to concentrate on my reorientation. My three word mantra for the year powerfully reminding me of my focus for the year. The time is right to seek to crystalize and settle now and I have a very clear reminder of my middle word – nurture – timely and so pertinent.

porch-sunset-1

I returned home yesterday late afternoon as the sun was sinking in the sky and I was treated to a spectacular sunset. And I was present in every sense to witness and appreciate it. With no thanks to cancer!

 

Hippo Bird-day!

I always approach birthdays with trepidation. Not because I am uncomfortable about adding another year to my age, but because our family has a strange relationship with birthdays and deathdays as I have written before, and birthdays make me nervous. So it was with great relief that I awoke on 2 August, the day after my birthday, fit and well.

Since my diagnosis, I have also begun a practice of doing something memorable for my birthday, and preferably in a country I have not previously been in. The foundation was set when I spent my 40th birthday in China and following years in Nepal, Thailand, India, Mongolia and Sri Lanka. In recent years, I have celebrated my aging in Myanmar, Cambodia, Malaysia, Luxembourg and Portugal. Given my new arrival on African soil, I decided to celebrate this year’s birthday by visiting a nearby national park and hoping for close encounters with African wildlife.

This post will be one of images and memories, with a sprinkling of narrative and description. Fortune smiled warmly on me, and I was able to see many animals and birds. For some reason, the hippos were out in force and I saw too many to count! Some were peeping out of the water, some were wallowing and chatting in groups, and some were wandering. Most were in the company of a white egret. The perfect hippo bird combo to wish me a corny hippo-bird day!

hippo bday 14

I stayed in a Game Lodge, on the border with Tanzania and in the park, and was greeted by baboons as we drove in at sunset.

Hippo bird-day 29

The Lodge’s printed information provided valuable guidance on “How to behave around baboons”.  Just as well as they were very active around the grounds.

image

On the first morning, I was wide awake, clutching my packed lunch and prepared for a game drive as the sun was rising across the savannah, reflecting on the lake. You just never know what the day will hold and whether the birds and animals will be shy or sociable.

Hippo bird-day 30

There is a small population of elephants, and these are rarely seen so we were lucky to encounter a lone elephant feeding in the trees. We knew he was not alone as we could hear crashing in the undergrowth, trees snapping and shifting of the vegetation. The rest of the herd was shy though, and it was not long before our friend turned and headed towards his friends and out of visibility. A highly promising start to the day.

We continued along the dusty track, pausing to watch velvet monkeys, a group of baboons, fish eagles, impala, bush bucks and we even spotted a very large crocodile hiding in the brush.

Having lived in Asia for so long, I find the African wildlife fascinating, in particular, zebra and giraffe which are so different. We were only a couple of hours into the drive, when we saw a group of zebra in the distance and soon afterwards we spotted a small group of giraffe.

Hippo bird-day 4

As we headed northwards, we encountered more groups of zebra, an increasing number of hippos and

It was nearly lunchtime, when we reached flatter plains and numerous herds of animals – zebra, giraffe, impala and bush bucks. And in the midst of the plains, nestling under a tree in the distance was the king! Watching quietly as zebra grazed nearby, the unmistakable shape of a lion.

hippo bday 15

I could not believe our good fortune. It had been a full morning, driving, watching and taking photographs while counting my blessings and I had not realised that it was well into what would be lunchtime and I was feeling decidedly hungry. There is a designated space for picnicking, under the watch of kingfishers, hippos and supersized thorns so we ate quickly and were soon back on the track.

There was no pressure to spot wildlife on the drive back, and we continued to see a variety of birds and beasts. I was especially drawn by a little rainbow bird, and spellbound when he decided to fly off displaying bright blue plumage.

hippo bday 16

Hippo bird-day 8

We are in the midst of dry season, and the grasslands are clearly parched. There are large areas which are smouldering. A strange place to see herds of zebra, but apparently they feed on the burnt vegetation which provides essential minerals for their diet.

The following day, I decided to take a boat trip onto the lake for a different perspective on the life in the park. As the sun sank in the sky, I joined two other tourists on a small boat and took the waters. We were again gifted by sightings of various birds – snake bird, fish eagle, cormorant and their friends.

The larger creatures too, watched from their comfortable places, including a baby crocodile.

Hippo bird-day 21

And just as the boat drew back towards the jetty, two hippos decided to peep out of the water very close to us, apparently smiling warmly. Our boatman was less convinced of their friendliness, and gently moved back into deeper water. Hippos are the second killers of people in Africa, and he clearly wanted to ensure they were not disturbed or aggravated.

Hippo bird-day 26

As dusk was falling, I returned to the Lodge with a warm glow of happiness. I had been gifted with so many sightings and encounters and was extremely happy with my safari birthday. But my lucky streak was still not over. Through the trees, the driver spotted a group of rare blue monkeys in the trees. They are shy and elusive beings, and did not pause for their portraits to be taken, but I was able to capture their sighting briefly.

Hippo bird-day 27

As I complete another journey around the sun, I again have to pause and reflect on the good things in life, and especially in my life. It has been a truly hippo bird-day!

hippo bday 11

An egret prepares to land on his hippo, creating that hippo bird combination!

And a strong remind to Carpe diem. We just never know what is ahead. For now, a peaceful iconic sunset is the best way to mark that appreciation.

hippo bday 17

First impressions. Some answers, and yet more questions

image

Red dusty earth and rolling green hills. Hills as far as the eye can see. This is a land of a thousand hills.

image

A wind ensemble of hitherto unheard birdsong, late afternoon and early morning pan pipe solos and daytime flute melodies. Twittering, tweeting colourful little birds chattering through the afternoon. Tiny chirruping birds, unrelated to the Yangon kingfisher, but sharing the same dress sense and fondness for a shiny blue jacket. Birds dressed for dinner with coat and tails, and a pair of birds with peaked caps airing their private words from the bushes.Sweeping, swooping birds of prey silently keeping a watch from above.

Up hills, down hills all around the city. Hill starts. Hill stops. Hill start ups again.

New flowers, and familiar flowers. Many mornings, different surprise flowers appearing. Occasional sprigs of jacaranda, nasturtiums, sleeping cream-petalled hibiscus and wide awake, boldly smiling pink hibiscus. Geraniums, bougainvillea in red, rusty orange,white and bright purple colours. Miniature flowers with unexpected dandelion clock transformations. Creeping lilac and yellow flowers which open just for one day.

Motorbikes! Everywhere motorbikes. Up and down hills, zigging and zagging through the streets.

Maize and more maize. Baskets of maize on the heads of women. Some baskets of yams or sweet potatoes. Milk urns on the backs of motorbikes.

Nokia phones for radio, music and chit chat.

Teeny tiny butterflies, so petite I cannot see their colour, nor even know for sure that they are indeed butterflies. Super sized ants working in solitude.

Snuggling, sleepy babies hiding from sun and dust under a floating cotton cape, secure on their mothers’ backs.

A three quarter waning moon alongside three bright stars in a night sky that dawns in minutes.

Surrounded by wide, welcoming smiles.

Forty days and forty one nights under an African sky.

image

Under an African sky

So there are geckoes in Africa. Many. Geckoes and slithery lizards, tree lizards and all manner of little and large reptiles.

As the year continues its march forwards, I am again reassured and guided by my three word mantra.

“Reorient, nurture and crystalize”

I have been moving towards a significant reorientation, and as indicated earlier, this was likely to be personal as well as professional. In my line of work, a change often involves a move to another country. I have now moved not only country, but after sixteen years in Asia, I have moved to a new continent. I now sleep and breathe under an African sky.

In consequence, this means a reorientation of the Feisty Blue Gecko. An alteration to the tag line, and an increasing change in character as I settle under this new sky. A sky where the stars do look different to me with their new orientation below the equator. The constellations are disconcertingly familiar, yet not quite aligned and set out the way I am used to them.

When I started to tell friends of my imminent move, one immediate question was about the blog. Would this cease to exist? With a completely different landscape and many so many different species of flora and fauna, were there even geckoes in Africa? Could the Feisty Blue Gecko possibly relocate from Asia to Africa?

The answer is fairly simple. There are indeed geckoes in Africa, as this little friend reassured me the other evening.

image

Thus, the Feisty Blue Gecko remains, a constant in a world of change.

So we are undergoing our reorientation, the Feisty Blue Gecko and I. And as we start to get used to our new surroundings, the new phase will gradually crystalize in this new continent.

image

I am filled with curiosity and have first impressions ready to share about my first days under an African sky.

I wonder…

I wonder…



Do the trees sing in Africa

at the tail end of the day,

as the sun drifts to the west,

dragging the light,

the colour bleeding from the sky in its wake,

causing such rejoicing from the branches?



Does the African kingfisher

wear a smart, shiny cobalt jacket,

slung over his shoulders,

catching the early morning light,

just like his cousin in Yangon?



Does the frangipani blossom

peep shyly up

towards the African sky,

pleading for just a few drops of rain,

in return

promising to release their scent

into the surrounding air?


Does the water lean to the right

when it slips downwards

from an emptying washbowl

just like it does further north

on the other side of the equator ?



Does it rain

at four in the afternoon

in Africa,

flooding lanes,

prompting laughter and annoyance

in equal mix?



I wonder…

What language

do the frogs speak in Africa?

Would they understand

their Burmese friends

as they revel and splash in the mud?



I wonder

so much

about this continent

that I have yet to properly meet.



And soon I will wonder no more.

 

Yangon, June 2016

Poetry Friday

This could be right here, right now …

Journeying Beyond Breast Cancer

rain at night “Walking in the Rain at Night”

Last Night the Rain Spoke to Me

Last night
the rain
spoke to me
slowly, saying,

what joy
to come falling
out of the brisk cloud,
to be happy again

in a new way
on the earth!
That’s what it said
as it dropped,

smelling of iron,
and vanished
like a dream of the ocean
into the branches

and the grass below.
Then it was over.
The sky cleared.
I was standing

under a tree.
The tree was a tree
with happy leaves,
and I was myself,

and there were stars in the sky
that were also themselves
at the moment
at which moment

my right hand
was holding my left hand
which was holding the tree
which was filled with stars

and the soft rain –
imagine! imagine!
the long and wondrous journeys
still to be ours.

~ Mary Oliver ~

View original post