It has been mostly overcast here in Bangkok all day. In fact, it has been overcast in more ways than one. The weather has been gloomy and grey and we have had some heavy rain. The mood feels similar from where we are. People are staying in as the situation intensifies in the central area where the protests are concentrated. News reports bring graphic footage and accounts of the violence. It is hard to see resolution, let alone peaceful or prompt resolution.
We are well away from the affected area and not at risk. We are receiving regular messages and updates when they are available. We have cancelled any plans we had this weekend. We are venturing nowhere except the hospital (which is very near) and also away from the trouble. We really are safe and sound.
There is talk of a curfew which I personally hope does not materialise. This is not a new situation for me, so does not cause any anxiety in itself. The reason I do not welcome it is purely selfish. I am so near the end of my treatment, my Triathlon from hell, which has lasted nearly 8 months so far. With only 6 radiation sessions left, I feel that any postponement or delay is akin to the last straw breaking the camel’s back.
It is incredible that the hospital has been able to keep things moving forward up to now, and I really take off my hat to the staff for their commitment and professionalism through all this. (That is a metaphorical hat – I am far too bald to take off my own hat). Yet all I can think about is my own treatment and how I don’t want it to be delayed, so near to the end and so near to seeing my family again after so long. I am not proud of this selfishness amidst what is happening in the city but I cannot deny it is there. I think a lot can be attributed to the horrible cancer as it seems to place a lens over your eyes. Everything you see is through the cancer lens and it seems to influence your feelings and decisions too.
There is no confirmation of a curfew and some statements have indicated that there will not be one immediately. The violence seems to be continuing. The air is thick with uncertainty.
Let’s hope that peace returns, the grey clouds and mood lift and that this selfish patient can get her final treatments without too much disruption.