My fascination in the whole matter of internet and online social relationships continues to build and is a consistent theme which runs through my blog. It was warming and affirming to see that my thoughts on trust really struck a chord too. And I loved the quip from my online mentor (newly appointed 😉 ) and guru Marie of Journeying Beyond Breast Cancer which suggested that a PhD in internet friendships and their complexity. What a dream that would be to follow. Can you imagine the amazing field research that would involve? Reading all the blogs from my new-found friends and then arranging to meet as many as I could. A study proposal is forming far too easily in my mind!
But all of that is fantasy. Well for now it is….. But I was keen to revisit briefly the them of trust and reflect on the many comments which came in. What I found particularly interesting is that although the topic is potentially controversial (or so I had thought), there was clear consensus around our online community. That does not mean that it is not a complex and sensitive topic but this did reaffirm for me the very essence which was in my original discussion. That of the strength and overwhelming sincerity in our community. The post and discussion brought out fairly consistent points.
- We would rather trust and enjoy the many wonderful friendships and connections that we gain, albeit running the risk of being taken in, than miss out on a new friendship.
- However, trusting is not easy and having been betrayed in a variety of ways, it can take time to allow ourselves to trust, especially where there are not the signs and corroborating back up which we are used to in our face to face or traditional interactions.
- We are not equipped for the complexities and dimensions of social relationships which the internet brings. But we are learning quickly and developing those skills!
- Where trust is broken or we are deceived, there is a whole swathe of online support and back up to help us through.
- We would far rather be the one who is at risk of being deceived than the one who deceives for whatever reason or motivation is behind their actions
This I am sure will continue to fascinate me and warm the cockles of my heart as time wears on and our community and interactions develop.
However, I wanted to highlight another gem which came out of the comments. In the midst of our discussion about trust, there was a comment from my respected bloggess friend which included the word “gobsmacked”. One of my favourite expressions. A few comments further down one very wise and wonderful bloggess noted that she was hearing this word twice in one day and never encountered it before. Now there are (dare I say rather boring?) definitions in the various online dictionaries for gobsmacked, such as:
Gobsmacked: adjective (British informal)
Definition: utterly astonished; astounded: 1980s: from gob + smack, with reference to being shocked by a blow to the mouth, or to clapping a hand to one’s mouth in astonishment
I prefer this World Wide Words definition:
Gobsmacked combines the northern English and Scottish slang term gob, mouth, with the verb smack. It suggests the speaker is utterly astonished or astounded. It’s much stronger than just being surprised; it’s used for something that leaves you speechless, or otherwise stops you dead in your tracks. It suggests that something is as surprising as being suddenly hit in the face.
The gecko definition which came to being in my response is consistent with the detail on the above reference.
I know it is used a lot in the UK (especially in the north east of England and in Scotland particularly) and is a colloquialism for being totally astounded or shocked, kind of stunned into silence. The beautifully eloquent term “gob” is a crass word for “mouth” – “shut yer gob” is a particularly delightful expression to request someone to be quiet! I think that “gobsmacked” conveys the sense of being so taken aback and shocked at something that it feels like a physical blow.
Interesting enough, I clearly remember a message from a friend on hearing my diagnosis, which, thanks to technology (deep bow), I could call up. He said:
….I’m gobsmacked about what you’re going through. I can’t believe it. But Scottish lasses are more than resilient, so I know you’ll sort this out nae bother. What are the next steps?
To which I replied:
sorry to smack your gob!! i know – it was totally unexpected, but i am in the best of places. Looks like we will be in Bangkok for a wee while for treatment, but early pathology is fairly optimistic…
Working in the field that I do, I have a kind of “mantra” which I try to live by as well as relentlessly reminding those around me – “you learn something new every day”. I love the fact that today’s learning is about “gobsmacked”!