This is October too.

Today is October 2nd.

On October 2nd four years ago, I was holding my breath, pleading and bargaining with myself, willing the lump and asymmetry in my breast not to be cancer.

Late in the evening of October 2nd four years ago, I heard those words, those unforgettable words which can never be unspoken.

This is highly suspicious of cancer.

Today is October 2nd.  Today is my fourth cancerversary.  I have come a long way since hearing those words, yet too often I have no idea where I am.  I stand in a strange space, the ground underneath my feet seems unsure.  Words and emotions swirl around my head.

The cancerversary is a strange beast.  Not a day for celebration. Rather a day of recognition, quiet reflection and gratitude for a a present which is precious and fragile.

Misty Rakhine morning