I had a horrible nightmare overnight into Thursday.
I had a very vivid dream that I discovered a lump on my right side. In my dream I knew that the date was exactly a year from finding the lump and so it does not take genius nor wildly lateral thinking to see what my mind was doing. I started the process of getting myself back to Bangkok to deal with the lump, and this involved telling people quite openly that there was a new lump and that I was very worried. The next stage of the dream focused on the fact that the lump was a rather odd shape, and it felt very hard, and even seemed to have a “point” at one end. I kept prodding and poking at the lump and eventually it worked its way through the skin (revolting I know but that is what happened) and turned out to be a cocktail stick. Heaven knows how it got there but perhaps it found its way there at the time of my mastectomy surgery. Even more worrying is how on earth such a bizarre notion played out in my mind while I should have been peacefully slumbering.
I was then faced with the embarrassment of going back to the people I had told about the lump and trying to explain it was a rogue cocktail stick!
That was my very weird start to Landmark Day 1 and I woke to the relief that I hadn’t found a lump combined with the memory of the day last year.
Yesterday (Saturday) was Landmark Day 2 – a year since I was referred by my Doctor to Bangkok for investigation. Happily my dreams have not been so disturbing, but then the events of that day were less alarming too. It is all cranking forward towards 2 October and the Cancerversary. I have something in mind, and underway to mark it so watch this space…….