……….without the promise?
That’s a bit how life feels at the moment. All rash and nothing much else. I am still really cross and upset about this latest twist in the gecko’s tail (tale) and that is not helping. The timing is rotten in that it is the last thing I wanted or needed at this stage in my path towards recovery and healing. However, it could have been worse – the thought of shingles while on chemo does not bear thinking about…………….
We are now over a week into the shingles experience and it is bearable, if unpleasant, uncomfortable, irritating and painful. I got a bit worried on Monday when new formations seemed to be springing up in a different area as that made me concerned about the virus becoming generalised rather than the affected nerve area. Then it stopped and those areas have not developed so I HOPE that it was just my skin being really sensitive and irritated rather than a wider outbreak. The affected area is on my upper arm, upper chest and underarm on let’s call it the “good” side – though we all know what that is a euphemism for! The underarm area is the most painful partly because that is apparently where the affected nerve is, and also because my skin and those tender sensitive spots rub against either other skin or clothes – or both! So now Twang Arm has an accomplice! (Must be laughing up its sleeve – hmmmm) I am not allowed to swim until the rash dries (lovely) so both arms are giving me a hard time.
The whole experience was not helped by the discovery of a small lump on my neck at the weekend. Any little bump or lump now brings a renewed stress as it can be a sign of spread or recurrence. My stomach turned over, and I knew I would have to get it looked at, probably need to get to Bangkok sharpish and the dark thoughts of prognosis and spread take a hold in the mind. When I checked it the next morning it was considerably smaller!! PHEW! It has now disappeared altogether. It was obviously a mosquito or insect bite, or heat rash and not a new tumour!!! It just shows how alert we must be to any change or sign which could be worrying, and how much we still walk on a knife-edge even in this post treatment phase. The whole matter of being a cancer survivor but not ”cancer free” as such is a strange one (watch this space for more on this) and one which I am trying to get my head round.
For now though, my focus is on banishing this wretched unwelcome visitor – GET LOST, SHINGLES and let me get on with my recovery!!!